People, especially moms, say nothing can prepare you for parenthood. The highs and lows are fierce, the anxiety is like nothing else and control - at a time when you think you should have it - is not in your hands.
That last one seems to be what makes the roller coaster such a wild ride. Could you handle the highs and lows knowing that in the end you could control your feelings or the outcome? Could you brush off the anxiety by assessing and fixing the very things that cause such torture?
Control is not mine, it's with God. I thought I lived my life by this until we got pregnant. In the midst of such a miracle I couldn't control the outcome of this baby and his life that lay ahead and I was so uncomfortable. Why couldn't I leave it with Him? My weakness was exposed.
Then Asher arrived. I thought having him here would at least make things tangible and I might find peace. It was just the opposite. Add in a dash of hormones and the roller coaster just became more intense, at times feeling like it's out of control...I went from exposed to stripped yet I still can't render control to Him.
I can write it down - give it to Him and I will find peace - but can I really live it? This is my challenge.
Well said, Kristin. Letting go and letting God is one of the hardest things to do. As far as our children are concerned, as soon as we become parents, we immediately feel the need to control their every move in efforts to guide them and protect them at all times. We rely on ourselves to this, therefore, making it difficult to pause and remember that we need to let go and let God. At the end of the day, God already has our children's lives are already planned out until the time they leave this Earth. I, too, have recently struggled with this as well. The more I read scripture on anxiety, worrying, and control, the better I begin to feel.
ReplyDeleteOur faith in God and knowledge of scripture provides us the wisdom we need to follow His lead, as hard as it may be. I recently compiled a series of verses to read when I feel this "out of control" feeling and need to focus on the fact that I am not in control. Here are a couple that I rely on...
Isaiah 41:10
Peter 1:5-7
Proverbs 16:9
I love seeing your heart!! I struggle with this too and have to give it to the Lord every day!! Great verses Meagan!! I am learning to TRUST in the Lord, and depend on Him and not on my own strength, which only causes anxiety and frustration!!
ReplyDelete"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
Love you, Sissy!!